Sex Toy Myths

There’s a lot of myths out there about sex toys, almost as many as there are sex toys, and I want to go through each one so I can debunk them thoroughly.

Myth 1: You can become addicted to sex toys

I won’t get into a discussion on a definition of addiction, but let me assure you there’s no way you can become addicted to sex toys any more than you can become addicted to any other sex-y items. Yes, you can be a sex addict, and it might involve toys but rest assured the toys didn’t cause it – something in your brain did, just like any other addiction. I’m also not talking about fetishes either – I’m talking only about the fear people have that once they use a sex toy, they’ll never want “real sex” (whatever the fuck THAT means) again.

If you love, absolutely LOVE chocolate cake, does that mean you don’t like pie or ice cream? No one gets caught up in one thing and one thing only, be it dessert or sex. Or dessert-sex. We all go through phases, and you might really love your toy when you first try it out, but that doesn’t mean it will automatically replace every other sex act out there and you will only get off with it from now on.

This myth has some pretty insidious implications. The underlying message of this myth is that only using sex toys to get off is wrong and that “natural” sex with just bodies is the best kind of sex and is what we all need to be striving for. Ewww. So what if you have to use a toy to orgasm, and that you’ll have to use one from now on because until you tried it you never had? Speaking of my exact experience, I’m much happier being orgasmic and “having” to use a vibrator to be so than never being orgasmic at all. This doesn’t say anything morally or personally about me, just like it doesn’t for a Type I diabetic who needs to inject insulin or a short person who needs to get their pants hemmed (also speaking from personal experience). It’s just the way it goes!

If you’re worried about becoming “addicted” or relying too heavily on the toy, the best thing to do is vary what you’re doing and try coming a lot of different ways. Variety is good in almost everything in life, but if you’re comfortable with always orgasming with your toy, then keep on keepin’ on, because there’s no reason you have to stop.

Myth 2: Toys will intimidate a partner and/or they’ll feel replaced

Wow, nothing says ‘sexy’ like a partner intimidated by an inanimate object. But seriously, if your relationship is actually replaceable by a toy, I suggest seriously rethinking your relationship. To me, this is like being jealous of your partner’s hand, which most people use to jerk themselves off as well. I want my partner to masturbate as much as they damn well please, and I am free to do the same, and sometimes, we even do it together.

The creepy thing about this myth is that it implies that your sexuality is for someone else’s enjoyment, and anything that doesn’t involve the two of you in the most “natural” of settings (i.e. penetration, both orgasming together with open-mouthed intensity and some crappy music playing the in background, yuch) should be avoided at all costs.

People see masturbation as a substitute for “the real thing” and once in a relationship, it should be shed like a pair of dirty socks. I honestly don’t see the difference between me getting off from my hands or toys and my partner’s hands, tongue and body. All that differs is what’s rubbing against me, whoop dee doo.

And to see a toy as any different seems just as silly. They’re tools, plain and simple. I use pots and pans to cook, hammer and nails to build a bookcase, and a vibe and dildo to have sex. Partners can be involved in using these tools on you, and if you’re super-concerned about intimidating them, there are ways to make the whole process easier.

– Show the toy to them outside of the sexual scene, so they can see how it works with a clearer head. Let them fiddle around with it so they’ll actually know what they’re working with.

– Really enjoy yourself when they’re using it on you. Let them know how great THEY are making you feel, not the toy. The toy doesn’t do much without someone there to be working it.

– If size is a big concern and your partner isn’t very secure or comfortable with themselves, use a toy with them that is the same size or smaller. If you want to have a toy bigger than them, feel free, but maybe their first introduction to using toys on you shouldn’t be with Mr. Massive, the gyrating fuck machine.

Myth 3: Using toys will stretch you out and make your vagina bigger

First off, not all toys are vaginal (don’t get me started on the myth about the vagina being the centre of women’s pleasure…). And second, the vagina is a muscle, a pretty damn powerful one. And like every other voluntary muscle in the body it can be squeezed and worked out. Vaginal size is a hereditary trait and follows general body size, age and births. As a woman gets older, her vagina may become larger, but compared to what, the sixteen year-old vagina we’re all supposed to have? Bullocks, my friends.

More impressive than “tightness” is muscle control, ladies, and that is something anyone can learn. There’s exercisers out there that can make your vaginal muscles stronger, leading to easier and more powerful orgasms, and this muscle control will also impress and astound your partners.

Vaginas change during arousal, penetration and orgasm and using an averaged-sized toy in your vag will not permanently change its size. And even if it did, who are you saving your pristine vagina for? Why lock it up in some glass case and not use toys, simply out of fear of “damaging” it? Life is for living, and your vagina is for your pleasure.

Myth 4: Men who want things up their ass are gay

I covered this one in anal myths. Check it out, because this is one of the vilest, most homophobic myths out there.

Myth 5: If you have to use toys, there’s something wrong with you and/or your relationship

Ahhhhh, judgmental beliefs where they don’t belong. Putting morality on objects makes me giggle. I used a footstool to reach the top shelf, there’s something wrong with me! I used soap to clean my clothes, what’s wrong with me?!?!?! My boyfriend used a cockring when we had sex – I AM NOT A GOOD (read “sexy”) WOMAN!

Toys can make a good thing better, or a mediocre thing good. This myth implies that 1) sex should be freaking amazing with nothing added to it and 2) if this isn’t the case you should just live with it and not use anything to help this along because you don’t deserve it if you can’t do it without toys. A lot of people, rather than admitting that something is lacking, fake their way through enjoying sex even to the point of faking orgasms to keep up appearances. Is this a better way to seem like everything is hunky dory than bringing a toy into the bedroom? That’s a rhetorical question, kids.

Besides upping the fun, toys can be used for sexual problems, like erectile dysfunction, and being pre-orgasmic. People in these situations feel enough sexual inadequacy without this moral judgment being forced upon them for things beyond their control like high blood pressure or circulatory problems. Wow, yeah, if you have those, you totally don’t deserve to get off.

Myth 6: Only perverts use toys

You may have noticed a running theme in all these myths – they’re all veiled (or not so veiled) moral judgments on sex. As someone who has sold hundreds of sex toys to hundreds of people, I can assure you that these were some of the most normal, boring people I’ve ever seen. Moms and dads, people with kids and jeans from the Gap. I’ve sold toys to cops, military personnel, psychologists, nurses, truck drivers, government employees, fry cooks… you get the idea. I’m sure some of them were perverts, but think of it this way – “perverts” (who defines this?) use oxygen as well. DOES THAT MEAN YOU’RE A PERVERT TOO?!?!? Oxygen perverts.


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